Growing after the shattering end

Victims of Narcissistsare devastated by the end, it creates confusion, pain and often you are totally lost. Once time goes on, you start to grieve, you get angry and you should. The situation confronts you with the traumatic end of someone you loved. That devastation does not go away after 1 day, 1 month or even a year.

You learn to slowly heal and this is when they come back and devastate you once again, they try to enter your life as they are missing the attention you gave them. They miss being the centre of your love, because that what they are looking for.

As you know this leads to them getting irritated and reminded of the past and from one moment to another you are again discarded. During this time, you are the one that caused all the pain and irritation. This is where it gets confusing, but the pattern is well known, this leads to you being discarded once more. The devastating end hits you one more time, this is the moment you need to figure out what to do next. Alot of people do find the strength to move on, but they are stalked, begged again for a return after a while. This could take days, weeks, months or even years I have heard.

After time your strength returns, people need to look inside and find their inner strength to try to keep away from them as they will hurt you again. Healing is your biggest weapon as it helps you finally get to an end, but this takes time of learning. Clear your head and use that opportunity to finally feel free. With this freedom people gain the strength to let go. This is your key, once you do, you will finally be able to move on no matter if they come back and beg you, tell you that they miss you. This is the hardest thing you may ever have to do, but you will make it. So keep your chin up, focus and you will finally find your freedom once more …

Grieving the loss

When I first was ghosted it was devastating, I think for about a year I tried and thought it wasn’t fully over. I was on the beg and call but it lasted perhaps a few days but we never really made it last that.

Over time I started realising I was never going to get back with her and over time I started healing and moving on. If you know anything about narcissism, you know its only over if you choose it’s over. So I finally found peace. But this took a long time, it took alot of crying, sleepless nights and it hurt like hell with all the confusion.

This is where I went out looking for answers and found alot. You need to go through the stages of a breakup and it’s harder with a narcissist as they make sure they remind you that they still exist. If you need, make notes of everytime they stalk you, bother you and wont go away. Warn them you will take out a restraining order on them and report it to the police with the evidence.

Having space will help you grow, will help you change and finally let go. When you do, when they come back you will be strong enough to say no or protect yourself. Remember take care of yourself..

Recovering from a Narcissist

I’ve read story after story of the horrors people have had to face with them. They range from parents, lovers, grand parents, friends and married partners.

All have one thing in common, you have to recover after the toxic abuse you suffered. It’s hard because all is fresh, confusing and difficult. You are being ghosted and there’s no explanation until you fall upon pages about narcissists and the penny drops.

This is what I call a “aha” moment as you finally realise you aren’t alone and start to understand what you are going through. This though is just the start unfortunately of a long road.

Your recovery is based upon your ability to accept the past and move on. This is harder than it seems as you want the person back, you crave their love and just want the pain to stop.

To recover takes time, it is like a normal relationship. The biggest difference is you will not get closure and be prepared for alot of begging and apologies and that everything is ok now. The reality is that they need someone to give them attention and you are their chosen one to do it.

Choose your next steps carefully! Most people choose to use the ignore technique and move on, this takes time but is the best technique. If the person is in your family, there is a technique called grey rock will allows you minimal contact but it will help you move on.

Grey rock response

We are all taught to use the ignore or move kn from a Narcisisst, there is a method called grey rock. This method when used can disarm and prevent a narcissist gaining information about you or hurting you.

Grey rock is by being totally bland, not giving anything but simple answers like yes or no. Other good answers are if they insult you, stating ok if that’s what you think. This prevents giving any ammunition to the narcissist. This also allows you to keep your distance from their toxicity. They will try drew you in but dont allow it by giving no response positive or negative. Look up more details online or on Amazon.

Are you a victim or a survivor?

The things you go through in a relationship with a Narcissist is so awful it creates deep trauma rhags difficult to get over. Recovering is even harder as they come back for you like a lion eating you alive piece by piece.

The pain comes back once they start gnawing on you again. It’s so toxic as it runs through your veins. The stress and return to the pain comes back once they come back and start to hoover you again.

There is a moment you realise that the hoovering is fake and they are doing it to only suck energy and attention from you again. So this is your moment, will you stay a victim or do you choose to grieve the end and heal and become a survivor.

The problem is they come back begging you to forgive them,but somehow it’s your fault. This is your key to realise nothing had changed. They cannot empathise so your feelings are irrelevant. This is your moment to break free and move on. They will stalk you on social media, they will try gaslight you, so be ready and don’t be a victim anymore… start living and leave them in their toxic worlds…

Hatred stays when you become the Ex to a Narcissist

It seems to a Narcissist once they have discarded you, the hatred comes in with splitting. You are bad and almost stay bad for a long time especially if you cause a narcissistic injury.

Narcissistic injuries is when you dont bow down and become their slave. Where you created boundaries to protect yourself. This hits their self esteem.. how can you not do as they say especially as they are being so kind to let you in their life.

Hatred seems to fester within those moments and its exceptionally hard for them to let go and forgive. I’ve read stories that even when you are hated, they still come back at some point. These moments tend to be when all is good again and they need attention from a source.

I read the best way to rid of a narcissist is when you choose it’s time to move on and never look back. Now this is easier said than done because we all were devastated I’m sure when the end came with the last discard. The pain hurt with the ghosting and we never got closure. I’ve read that closure is important and awful to overcome alone but there are ways.

Once you get there, you can finally let go properly and move on. The hate or anger that festered inside you can finally be let go on. The moment you let go, you are finally free. In that freedom you heal, they cant as they can never fully let go until you go fully silent and disappear. It takes courage, lots of crying and alot of time to reflect.

Growing, changing and evolving

The most amazing part of a breakup is what happens after. Usually you go through all the symptoms of the loss of a human being. With a Narcissist you are more than often totally lost. You barely can grow, you are more than often stuck in the past and when they come back which inevitably they do, you are brought back into a toxic situation.

I was asked if they can cure narcissism, I read alot of articles, spoke to many therapists and actually it mainly comes down to the narcissist themselves. The problem is they have to go through intense therapy to succeed and it seems very rare.

I fully understand the issues and factors but it doesn’t mean I’ll trust a narcissist as they are exceptionally good at manipulation. This is where growing is critical, you need to grow and let them go. Letting someone go that you love is almost impossible but not entirely. We need to evolve past the past and suffering and get to a place where we are calm and emotionally rested. It takes time, only then can you truly evolve and move on.

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